when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
