i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
