how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My feet surprised me
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