why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Say something about gay babies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
