My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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