For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
