I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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