I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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