Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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