i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
