Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
