Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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