he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
