We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
