so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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