You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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