thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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