How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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