So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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