Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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