Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
