well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
