Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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