I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A+ Viking dick
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
