Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
