I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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