Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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