Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
