I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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