she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
