Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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