ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
