I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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