this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
