I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
