The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
