he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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