Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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