the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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