Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
