Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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