The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
