I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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