i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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