I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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