i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
