as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
