My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
