you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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