I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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