The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
