Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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