She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
