Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
