i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
